Head Start
by ErekLich
Summary: A disgruntled and angry Ranma grabs some hot water before fighting Shampoo on the log. Now, with an amorous Amazon hot on their trail, Genma tries to keep Ranma unaware so he can marry a Tendo! Poor Ranma...
1. An Angry Start

Head Start

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction by ErekLich

Disclaimer: I own nothing, and am making no money from this work.

Chapter 1: An angry start

Ranma Saotome was _not_ having a good day. In fact, the past several days had arguably _each_ been the worst day of his life. In the past week since that ominous day his stupid pop had knocked him into a cursed spring, he'd turned into a... a... a _girl_.

_'I jus' HATE this stupid body! Nothin's balanced right... An' I'm so much weaker! Makes me so angry jus' thinkin' 'bout it! Course, I'd be angrier if I wasn't so darn hungry...'_

As Ranma mused bitterly to himself (_'himself, not herself!' _Ranma would insist in thought), the Guide was yammering on about where they were and the history of each hill and valley. Ranma snapped to full attention, however, when the word "village" came up.

"Nyuchiehzu? That some kinda food?"

"Sirs, this town of Amazon womans!" From ahead, the sounds of cheering and battle made their way to Ranma. "Today womans have tournament!"

_'Why's the guide have ta be so darn cheery 'bout everything, anyway...' _Ranma decided that watching the fight would be more interesting than continuing to sulk, so he turned his attention to the two girls fighting. They were on top of a suspended log, both armed. The larger, uglier girl was wielding a studded greatclub, while the cuter, smaller girl was wielding chui._ 'Prolly hafta knock the other girl off ta win...' _It was then that Ranma noticed the large pile of food - and without thought, the cursed martial artist was eating!_ 'Wow, this stuff is good. Glad they had some food...' _Ranma then turned back to the fight._ 'Heh, the ugly one's lost this fight already. She's trained okay, but tha other girl's faster and smarter...' _As if to prove Ranma's point, the smaller girl jumped over the larger, and using the moment of surprise this action gave her, knocked the larger girl off.

"Win tournament is very good honor."

"That girl's got some serious power." Behind him (_'Him, not her!' _thought Ranma angrily) his father nodded, acknowledging the girl's ability. Of course, Ranma was confident that he (_'not she!'_) could easily beat her, but the girl had to be the best in her village.

"Sirs! What you eat here?" It was only then that Ranma looked around, and noticed a few very important things. First, there was a sign sitting in front of the food they were eating. Second, everyone in the village was staring at them. Third, the winning girl had thrown one of her chui. The attack was way too slow for Ranma, though, who dodged it with ease. Then she spoke. Ranma had no idea what she was saying, but she sure sounded angry. "'You woman and panda! Why you steal my prize? What you doing?' She say," the Guide helpfully translated.

"Prize?"

"'Today fight once-a-year tournament. Now I become champion.' She say."

_'Now that's more like it!' _Ranma felt the thrill of upcoming battle. This would be great! The girl was doomed, but she was at least good enough that Ranma could make this a workout and blow off some steam. Plus, Ranma always preferred being able to fight his way out of things. (_'Not her way, his! His!'_)_ '...Hey! Come ta think of it, I bet they have some hot water, or tea, or somethin'! I'll show these 'Amazons" that Ranma Saotome ain't no girl, and doesn't lose!' _"Then if I defeat you, you've got no problem, right?"

The girls only response was to narrow her red-wine eyes in an arrogant smirk, then leap straight back to the log. Ranma, on the other hand, had something to do first. He (_'just as soon as there's some water!'_) pawed through the prize, but didn't see any kettles or anything. Ignoring the crowd's murmurs, he leaped over to a nearby area where he smelled fires. Sure enough, an elderly couple had a kettle on.

"Sorry 'bout this!" cried Ranma. Moments later came a different cry, the cry of "HOT!!!" from the now actual male. Ranma then bounded enthusiastically back to the log, and assumed a ready position. He smirked with sadistic satisfaction at the look on his opponent's face. _'Priceless! Not so tough now that yer facin' a guy!'_

Shampoo, for her part, stopped to reevaluate her foe. _'That woman changed into a man? Is she cursed? Wait, she used hot water to change... crap, how do those stupid pools work again? Still, he's quite cute, although not cute enough to make me _want_ to lose.' _Steadying herself, Shampoo was just about to attack when a voice rang out above the crowd.

"Wait!" All eyes, Ranma's included turned toward the new voice. A small, very old and wrinkled woman emerged from the crowd. "I am Elder Ku Lon. You have come from Jusenkyo, warrior?"

Anger and embarrassment welled up in Ranma in equal parts. Looking away in what he hoped seemed an aloof manner, he shot back, "Yeah, what of it?" Ranma was prepared for many responses to that question, but he was certainly not ready for the crazy old lady to jump onto the log faster than he could follow! Trying not to let it show how unnerved that made him, he asked "Whadda ya want, ya old ghoul?"

A light bonk to the head accompanied by a sharp "quiet" was his only response as Ku Lon spent a long minute staring at him.

"Indeed, your aura is male."

"Damn right! My name's Ranma Saotome, and I'm a guy! A! Gu! Uy! Stupid curse..."

She looked up at Ranma with an intense gaze. "And you intend to challenge Xian Pu in combat?"

"Yeah, I'll fight... Shampoo.. for tha food," said Ranma, struggling with the foreign name. "Ya got a problem with that, old ghoul?"

Ku Lon's smile chilled Ranma to the bone.

"Not at all! First one to touch the ground loses." Ku Lon then turned to her great granddaughter. Xian Pu! The male Ranma Saotome has challenged you. You know what this means.

I do._ 'Still,if he is good enough to beat me, he's truly worthy to be my husband. I either gain a cute husband, or avenge my honor. Win-win for me!' _With a grin, she turned her full attention to the oncoming match.

Ku Lon then jumped off the log, and cheerfully yelled, "Begin!"

For a moment, neither fighter moved. Shampoo was the first to break the deadlock, charging forward with a battle cry._ 'This 'Ranma' is unarmed, so he'll try to dodge. If I feint with one chui, the follow up attack will knock him right to the ground!' _

Unfortunately for Shampoo, Ranma was no normal fighter._ 'A feint, huh? Knew she was a smart one, but she's underestimated me this time!' _With a feral grin, Ranma parried the feinting chui into her other weapon, knocking both of them to the side. Gasping, Shampoo barely pulled back enough to avoid Ranma's follow-through.

Ranma decided that it was time to go on the offensive. None of his attacks quite landed thanks to his opponent's superior reach, but he was ever so slowly driving Shampoo back.

Meanwhile, Genma decided to follow his son's example. Grabbing a roast duck to munch on, he made his way over to the elderly couple, who were attempting once again to boil water for their tea. Aghast, they simply watched as the panda lumbered over, took their kettle, and poured the entire thing over his head. Once again human, Genma set the kettle down and continued chewing, not even bothering to thank the couple. Glad to be back in his normal body (at least until it rained again), the elder Saotome made his way back over to the Guide.

"Young sir losing ground again!"

Genma looked up to find that indeed, Shampoo had managed to regain her balance. Now the two were trading strikes, with Shampoo slowly edging Ranma back "Bah! The boy is just playing with her now. He'll end this when he feels like it."

Arrogant though it was, Genma's statement was entirely true._ 'Well, this was fun, but if I take too long pops will get mad. I need ta get inside her reach... ah! Gotcha!' _As he dodged the next strike, Ranma 'tripped' and began to fall backwards. As he expected, the Chinese beauty gleefully seized the 'opening', pushing him off the log. "Heh heh!" Wrapping his hand onto the log, Ranma gleefully used his momentum to go under the log, rocketing back up into a kick into Shampoo's back.

_'Oh no! Behind me!' _Shampoo turned, but not fast enough. Both fighters careened through the air, but only one thud was heard. Shampoo landed flat on her back, while Ranma was crouched with his feet on her hips and his hands on her shoulders.

It was at this moment that Ranma's hormones decided to remind him that he was a healthy sixteen year old male._ 'So... cute...' _Not knowing how to interpret the strange feeling he got when he looked at the girl beneath him, Ranma stared in awe as the girl's shock turned into a smile._ 'Such a beautiful smile...' _"Uh, you okay?"_ 'Wait a minute, she can't understand me! Uh...' _Fortunately, Ranma was saved from his abortive attempts to think when the judge took his hand and stood him up. As his hand was held up as the winner, Ranma took a moment to bask in the cheering. _'That's right! Ranma Saotome don't lose!'_

Ranma was only back in his comfort zone briefly, however. Shampoo stood up and moved purposefully towards him. Ranma's brain locked up once again when she leaned forward slightly and placed her hands on his cheeks. "Wo ai ni!"

Ranma was quite nervous, to say the least._ 'She's talkin' at me again, but I still don' know what she's sayin' or why I feel this way when I look at 'er... I'm so confused!' _And then she did something that blew Ranma completely away.

Shampoo leaned forward a little further, and kissed him.

"Oh! Great happiness! Amazon woman give Kiss of Marriage!"

That brought Genma to full alert mode. "Eh? What is this, now?"

"When outsider male beat Amazon woman, she give kiss and they marry! Congratulation!"

_'Crap! I can't let Ranma get married here! I have to take him home to marry one of Tendo's daughters! Plus, Nodoka would kill me!' _Fortunately for Genma, he was something of an expert on getting Ranma out of engagements. Unfortunately, his usual methods wouldn't work here; the boy was too old and from the look of how he had started to kiss the Chinese bimbo back, the boy might actually fight to stay if Genma didn't act now._ 'Thankfully, they're all distracted! Saotome secret attack: Silent Weasel Pierces the Wall!' _With speed that would surprise many who knew the lazy martial artist, Genma leaped behind his blissfully ignorant son, and lightly struck a quick series of pressure points on the back of his neck, instantly knocking Ranma out.

"Ayiaaah!" Shampoo was simultaneously surprised, confused, and angry. Just when her new husband had started to kiss her back (probably out of instinct; he'd still seemed too shocked to be doing it on purpose), some strange man knocked him out! Now, under almost any other circumstances, Shampoo would have been on the outsider almost instantly for daring to strike her husband. Unfortunately, she was still dazed enough that by the time she fully realized what was happening, the odd male was already running off with her beloved!

"Sir! What you do? Amazon womans have much pride! They surely kill you!"

"Then run faster, you oaf!"

Shampoo barely heard the cries of her Great-Grandmother; she was already doing what her Elder's frantic instructions said. Unfortunately for her, Genma Saotome had spent large chunks of his adult life getting out of trouble. Sometimes, that meant fighting. Other times, it meant talking, or groveling. But a lot of the time, it meant running away. And so it was that even carrying the poor Jusenkyo Guide and his unconscious son, Genma was still outpacing the entire village of Amazon warriors.

As Genma pulled further ahead, Shampoo grew grim. She had gotten a pretty good look at this violator, and she had gotten a very good look at her husband, in both of his forms. The outsider was fast, but Shampoo was determined.

Whatever it took, she would get her husband back.

* * *

Author's notes:

Many thanks to rewind gone nuts for beta-reading and idea-vetting this for me. I also want to highlight his work as the inpiration for me to get this fic out of my head and onto 'paper', so to speak.

Further chapters will come out as I have time and drive; no promises on a timeframe.

Enjoy!

Updated to remove uninteded italics. Thanks to R. for pointing them out!


	2. An Early Start

Head Start

Chapter 2: An early start

It was a bright, sunny summer Saturday in the Nerima district. Stores were bustling, people on errands were going to and fro, the flowers were blooming, and a young man in Chinese style clothing was... dodging an older man's martial arts attacks? "Hey you, that's enough already!"

"Stop being silly, boy!"

"I told ya all along I ain't interested! Pickin' my fiancee for me like that!"

"This is more important than your foolish vanity!"

"You jus' turn into a panda! My curse is a hundred times worse! I'm goin' back ta China! Stay like that forever, for all I care."

"Heh! As if you could survive the journey with the Amazons after you!"

At those words, Ranma's expression darkened. Memories rose unbidden of the second worst day of his life.

* * *

Ranma stirred slowly into wakefulness. _'Man, what hit me? Whatever it was really packed a punch... Lessee... I was...' _a mad blush came to his face as he finished waking up.

"Oh! Young sir wake up!"

"You alright, boy? It would seem that I managed to pull you out just in time!"

Sitting up, Ranma found that he, his father, and the Jusenkyo Guide were resting in a clearing, and that night had fallen.

"How long was I out? And whadda ya mean, just in time?"

"Those women meant to kill you for defeating one of their warriors!"

"Huh? That don't make sense!"

"Amazon Womans have much pride, young sir! When outsider beat, they..." The Guide's face fell a bit. He was neither used to nor pleased with the idea of deception.

For his part, Genma was two steps shy of panic. The Guide wasn't sticking to the script, and Ranma wasn't _that_ gullible. Action was needed, and fast. "They would have wined and dined you, all to lull you into a false sense of security, so that they could kill you in a ritual sacrifice!"

Now, Genma was correct in saying Ranma wasn't _that_ gullible. Unfortunately for Ranma, however, he was just gullible enough. As the realization that the really cute girl only kissed him so she could kill him sank in, his anger boiled over, and he screamed at the top of his lungs. When he finished, he noticed that both Genma and the Guide were looking at him in terror. Moments later, he realized why.

"Ayiaaah!" Dozens of voices yelling in Chinese soon followed, prompting the three to run for their lives.

* * *

And so it was that a petulant Ranma sullenly walked along behind his father toward the Tendo dojo, lost in thought. _'Man, my life's really sucked lately. Ever since Jusenkyo, it's jus' been one thing after another. We couldn't do half tha' trainin' we wanted to in China, all cause that crazy chick kept tryin' ta kidnap me. An' now that I'm finally back in Japan, pops wants ta get me engaged!'_

Ranma's internal monologue was cut off abruptly, however, as he felt the dread touch of cold water. Looking up, he saw an old woman, ladling water on her sidewalk to clean it. However, instead of the pure rage that would have come only weeks earlier, Ranma managed to feel only a simmering irritation. "Well, I guess I'm doing tha' talking when we get there. C'mon, panda-dad."

Genma frowned. As useful as his form was, it was aggravating to rely on his son so thoroughly. _'I have to figure out some way to make signs or something...'_

As they approached the Dojo door, Ranma took the opportunity to look around. Months of evading Shampoo had made both Ranma's male and female forms faster, but more importantly Ranma had learned to read an environment very well. The Dojo had some good hiding places in the front yard, but nothing that would stop a determined search. Turning her focus back to the task at hand, Ranma knocked at the front door.

From inside the house came a chorus of voices. "Oh my! We have visitors!" "Ooh, it must be Ranma-Kun!" "Saotome! We've been waiting!"

_'So they know I'm comin', huh? I guess that rules out lyin'. Oh well.'_

The first voice mumbled something that Ranma couldn't quite make out, and then at last the door opened. Before Ranma stood a mustachioed man, as well as a teenage girl in a formal kimono. Both of them looked quite shocked, which didn't surprise Ranma at all. From behind them came a taller girl, also in kimono. "Are these your friends, Father?" The man (presumably the Father in question) shook his head vehemently. At this, Ranma decided to cut in before the confusion mounted even further.

"I'm Ranma Saotome. Sorry 'bout this."

The first girl seemed suspicious. "What's a panda doing here?"

"He's... look, I can explain it all if ya just let us in an' get us some hot water."

Soun Tendo was nearly at his wits end. If the panda were doing anything but just standing there, he'd probably have fainted by now. As it was, he still had just enough composure to ask the question plaguing his mind. "Excuse me, but I was under the impression that Ranma was Genma's son, not his daughter..."

Ranma had come far in terms of accepting the curse, but she still found herself growling out "I am!" before clamping down the rage. "Can I please just get some hot water? I promise this'll all make sense."

Kasumi was just as bewildered by the situation as the rest of her family, but her hostess instincts kicked into full gear. She led the guests into the dining room, where Ranma saw there was a third sister, though she looked unhappy for some reason. _'You an' me both, girl.'_

Bringing over a teakettle, Kasumi gently asked, "Will this do?"

"Yeah, that's fine, thanks. So, despite how it is I look, I'm Ranma Saotome," at which the once again male Ranma finished pouring the water over his head, "an' I'm really a guy."

And that was it; Soun Tendo fainted.

Genma, having taken advantage of the hot water left in the kettle, chose this moment to begin his monologue. "Alas, our being cursed is truly a tragic tale! But the life of a martial artist is fraught with peril..."

As his father trailed off in what he probably thought a dramatic fashion, the Tendo sisters took in the strange news. Two of them struggled to find the proper words for their thoughts, largely unsucessfully.

Akane, however, was a very suspicious girl. "Hey, how do we know you aren't just some kinda weirdo transvestite? No way am I gonna marry a girl!"

Kasumi snapped her head to the left, intent on scolding her little sister. "Akane! He's a guest!"

Ranma, for his part, took this about as well as he usually took taunting, or perhaps a little worse, considering how personally he'd taken the curse. On top of that, he didn't feel right hitting this girl (or any girl for that matter). So naturally, he reacted by employing the Anything Goes Style's usual method of unbalancing a foe - he taunted right back.

"Strong words from an uncute tomboy! I bet yer jus' jealous my girl form's better lookin'!"

"What?! Macho jerk! Are you sure you're a boy?"

"Damn right!" To punctuate his declaration, Ranma opened his shirt to display his flat (but well defined) chest. "Of course, my chest looks better than yours either way!"

"Close your shirt, pervert!" growled Akane. As Ranma did so, she turned her nose up and stormed off in a huff.

Nabiki chose to use the moment in an attempt to regain control of the situation. "Well, I'm Nabiki Tendo. This here's my older sister Kasumi, and that," she said, pointed at her departed younger sibling, "was Akane."

Genma, meanwhile, had finally realized that no one was listening to him. "Children these days..." he mumbled. "No respect for their elders at all..."

Ranma took a better look at the two non-violent sisters. _'Hmmm... Kasumi is real nice, but she doesn't look like she can fight at all. An' Nabiki... she jus' gives me this vibe like I shouldn't trust her farther than I... nah, farther than Kasumi can throw her.'_ It would not have comforted Ranma to know that Nabiki would have approved of that assessment of herself. _' An that angry chick pissed me off! Besides, even if none of 'em have somethin' up their sleeves, I ain't ready ta get married! I gotta find some way ta stall...'_

Genma cleared his throat. "Well, Ranma, now that you've met them, choose one and she will be your fiancee." Ranma froze - he really did not want this to happen just yet!

Kasumi, for her part, was torn between the desire to be a dutiful daughter and her desire to not have to marry a younger man. _'I just couldn't see myself with someone who hadn't finished maturing yet. I'd much perfer an older man who shows responsibility... But it would be so rude to rebuff Ranma outright.'_

Nabiki was in much the same boat as the other teens in the house. _'While I wouldn't mind the looks, Ranma doesn't seem too smart. And from the look of them, he and his dad are dirt poor! I know Kasumi doesn't like younger boys. Akane's anger I can handle, but I think she'd kill me outright if I got her engaged to him without her even being here! Well, Ranma seems to be hesitating too - I can probably stall if I do it now. Here goes nothing...'_

"Now hang on a minute, Mr. Saotome. How can he pick one of us? He doesn't know the first thing about us yet, nor we about him."

Ranma was a bit slow sometimes, but even he could sense an opening like this. "Yeah pops, all I know is tha tomboy gets angry for no good reason. I oughta wait some."

Letting as little of her inner triumph show as possible, Nabiki kept the pitch going. "School doesn't start for another month. That gives us plenty of time to learn about each other."

Genma found himself unahppy. _'I had hoped to get him settled in here as soon as possible. The sooner he's formally engaged, the sooner he's married and the sooner I can retire to running the dojo here. And who know's what'll happen if that Chinese bimbo manages to track us to Japan!'_

* * *

On a boat somewhere on the Sea of Japan, Xian Pu sneezed. _'Ayiaaah! I'd better not get sick, Airen's too far ahead as it is...'_

* * *

While Genma was pondering this turn of events, Soun finally began to stir. Kasumi noticed, and rushed to his side. "Ah, Father! You're awake!"

"I had a horrible dream, Kasumi! I dreamed that your fiance arrived and he was a girl!"

"Well, he was at first, Father. But now he's a boy again."

"Yeah, it's a curse I picked up in China. Cold water turns me to a girl, hot water turns me back."

Nabiki knew that she had to act fast if her father was to be stalled. "I'm glad you're up. We'd just agreed that Ranma will pick his fiancee when school starts in a month." Soun started to open his mouth to protest, but Nabiki pressed on. "After all, we wouldn't want a snap judgement to end up breaking your poor daughter's heart, now would you?"

Soun was not, by any account, a level headed man. "How dare you make my baby girls cry!"

"Wha? But?"

"I absolutely forbid you to choose until the start of the school year!"

Ranma started to open his mouth, but a warning look from Nabiki shut him up.

Genma knew he was beat. So, according to Anything Goes Philosophy, he had two choices. He could either try, try again, or he could make it look like that's what he wanted in the first place. No one who knew Genma would be surprised that he picked option two. "Wisely chosen, my old friend. Come, come! We have a lot of catching up to do!"

Kasumi, Nabiki, and Ranma each breathed internal sighs of relief. They (and Akane) had dodged the bullet for now. But all of them knew, deep down, that the coming month would not be boring.


End file.
